A violent relationship refers to a relationship in which there is no respect and is often characterized by psychological and/or physical violence. From March 17 to August 31, 2020, when COVID-19 experienced social confinement, approximately 14,583 cases of violence against women were handled in Peru, As per the records of Emergency Mobile Teams (EIU) licensed by the Ministry of Women and Vulnerable Population.
Jealousy, yelling, and situational control, among other behaviors, are usually normalized and can maintain a bond that only destroys the victim’s self-esteem. Which is that despite the damage done, another thing that stands out in this type of relationship is that letting go is usually not an easy task.
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How do you differentiate between a violent relationship and a healthy relationship?
Psychologist Karina Ruizwith extensive experience in youth, pointed out that people who do not have much experience in the romantic side are usually the people who fall most easily into a relationship of this type.
“When you are young and you have nothing to compare with, you may think that this kind of situation is normal or that he is jealous of you, for example, because he loves you, which is very dangerousRuiz explained.
Violent relationships in general are very emotional and the feelings you go through are usually presented in a very intense way, so the couple may think that all the suffering or fights are worth it for those little moments of happiness, which are completely removed from reality.
A healthy relationship is one of beautiful love, without regret, without drama, and without suffering in particular. Be careful, there will always be problems, but you need to make a comparative table and think … If you realize that 90% of the relationship you have is suffering, it is not good for you‘ declared the specialist.
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What do I do if I manage to get out of a violent relationship?
After a person is able to free themselves from the unhealthy bond that held them in this destructive relationship, it usually leaves them with significant physical and/or psychological consequences, so it is essential that they focus on themselves and their recovery.
Psychologist Karina Ruiz gives us some key points to be able to face this critical moment.
take the cure
In these situations, one of the most important points is to seek help. The psychiatrist can have a vital role in guiding the victim, as well as preventing him from falling into the same pattern and seeking another partner to harm him again.
“The main thing is treatment, because you can find out the reasons why you are in this relationship, and if you have more than one toxic relationship, you can find out why they follow a certain pattern,” the specialist said.
When someone leaves a toxic relationship, they need to be very clear about the things they won’t allow again in another romantic union in the future.
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“You should make a list of all the things that you think are toxic in a relationship. It’s very important that you understand the things that hurt you so you don’t repeat patterns again,” Ruiz explained.
Share with family and/or trusted friends
The support of loved ones will be essential in their recovery process. Healing psychological wounds can be more difficult than healing physical wounds, so you will need your family to be willing to listen, without making value judgments about your past situations or relationships.
“It is recommended that you maintain open communication with family and friends. This will help identify traits or actions that could indicate that you are in a toxic relationship.”
Determine what a violent relationship is for the person
In order for the victim not to fall back into a destructive relationship, it is important to understand and define the violent relationship.
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With the help of the therapist, writing to him, or even talking to himself, it is recommended that the victim think about the bond she experienced, point by point identifying the parts that were negative for her. This way, you will understand the emotional aspects that you cannot allow to happen again.
“You can’t avoid doing something that hurts you, if you don’t know exactly what’s hurting you”Psychologist concluded.