Sex tips: Relationship coach reveals how splitting chores helps sex


A relationship coach splits the chores with her husband using a color-coded spreadsheet – and says dividing the housework has made their sex life better.

Tara Blair Ball, 38, decided to sit down and create a spreadsheet with her husband, Brian, 46, a marketing development manager, to assign tasks to each other after the birth of their youngest daughter in October 2020.

The couple had always had a verbal agreement regarding who did what around the house but wanted to be organized to make the chores more manageable for each of them.

Now they use a spreadsheet split up by the chores, who is doing it, how often and the standard it should be done to – and color-code to illustrate whether it’s something that needs to be done daily or weekly.

The couple have divided up jobs such as food shopping, hoovering, taking the bins out, organizing plans with friends and picking up the kids.

They each do the jobs they prefer and say sitting down and going through everything they each do has made them more appreciative of each other.

Tara and Brian both were not keen to do any sort of home improvements but decided they would both take on the task depending on what part of the home it refers to.

Tara and Brian continue to have a weekly ‘check-in’ as a couple and will also make tweaks to the spreadsheet if necessary.

Tara, a relationship coach, from Memphis, Tennessee, US, said: “The spreadsheet really helps us split up the chores and it’s left us each with more energy and improved our sex life.

“I’ve never liked the laundry, so Brian does that and I’m on dishwasher duty.

“We have a weekly check-in on a Sunday evening about our relationship.

“We share what’s bothering us, what’s gone well and what we’ve appreciated that week.

“It also gives us the opportunity to tweak the spreadsheet for that list depending on what’s going on that week.”

The couple chose to organize their jobs around their house when their youngest daughter, Brienne, one, was born and Brian wasn’t happy with the state of the floors.

Tara said she could live in a degree of filth but Brian hated the floors being cluttered and dirty, while Tara struggled with mental tasks such as setting up appointments.

Together they made a list of all the jobs and assigned them to each other and color-coded it by how often they needed to be done.

“It was important to lay out the standard we need each chore to be completed to, so everyone was satisfied,” Tara said.

“For example, doing the dishwasher involves scrapping the plates, rinsing them and putting them in.

“If your partner isn’t doing a task to the right standard, I always advise consequences. After a couple of warnings of them not scrapping the plates before putting them in the dishwasher, I would then serve their dinner on one of those plates.”

Brian and Tara split their tasks quite evenly but she knows that this can’t always be the same for every couple.

“It’s what works for you in your relationship but it’s important to remember that you deserve a break if you are the one at home often doing all the housework,” she said.

“Sitting down and dividing up the tasks for what works for you helps a lot of couples I work with. It’s important to keep coming back to it every week and checking it’s still working for both of you.

“A lot of my clients say it’s made their sex lives better as it gives them more energy as they are not so tired after being bogged down with my tasks.

“Dividing labor between partners is crucial for a healthy relationship.”

Brian said: “We each have daily, weekly, monthly, and annual tasks we are responsible for. This way we feel like equal partners and are accountable for completing our tasks so neither of us feel undervalued or unappreciated.

“For me I work best off a list until something becomes a habit. It lets me know what is expected of me in our relationship.

“I know every Thursday night the trash needs to be taken out to the kerb. I set a reminder but 95 percent of the time I have the task completed before my reminder goes off.

“This way Tara doesn’t have to worry about them not getting finished and she doesn’t feel like she has to manage me to do my part.

“Every couple should be doing a weekly check in. Set a standing time for 30 to 60 minutes once a week to review a set of questions that are important to your relationship.



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