Open relationships, a taboo that many couples want to break

Famous American actor Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett, unexpectedly became a trend when last week they decided to speak up and announce an event that took place four and a half years ago.

According to the actors themselves, at a time when they felt that their marriage would not be saved, they chose to spend time, without a divorce. During that time, Jada said that she had a short love affair with young rapper Auguste Elsena.

Despite the fact that both actors in the video calmly talk about the situation, which means that it is a thing of the past and that there were no secrets between the two of them, the public and the media began to describe Jada’s actions as a betrayal of the prince. Bel Air. This is largely due to the fact that the concept of “open relationship” or polygamy is not a recurring topic in Western culture, it is almost taboo and is frowned upon by the concepts of spouse and family that are held in this side of the world. planet.

“Humans, as a species, are not monogamous. We are by nature polygamous, but we have been taught to be monogamous for the sake of social construction, due to culture, beliefs, upbringing, principles, our limits and norms,” explains Edinson Paziminio, expert in couples and sex therapist.

According to Frauky Jiménez, a clinical psychologist specializing in sex and couples therapy, there are actually a total of ten types of marital relationships, each with its own rules and specifications, but it was decided to group them all under the name ‘free’. love.

Paziminio also explains that open relationships, like monogamous relationships, consist of ‘agreement’, in this state where people can interact with other people, either emotionally or sexually, but under certain norms and rules, which allow for a healthy relationship and prevent it from becoming toxic. .

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types of relationships

There are three main categories for framing relationships: monogamy, non-monogamy without consent, i.e. infidelity; Consensual non-monogamy.

Of the latter, eight types of relationships are divided:

1. Group marriage and polygamy.

2. Swingers: new sexual experiences in the company of spouses.

3. Polysex: There is emotional exclusivity, but without sexual exclusivity.

4. Polyamory: A love relationship that is maintained with several people at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of all.

5. Relational chaos: A relationship without labels.

6. The Swinging Couple: There are no rules for how and when you can be intimate or fall in love with others.

7. Multiple autonomy: consensual monogamy, with a lot of emotional independence.

8. Monogamous Multiple: In an honest and consensual manner, one spouse maintains sexual ties outside the relationship while the other does not.

dialogue

Couples should ask themselves why and why they want an open relationship.

In long-term relationships, if it’s just about “save” the relationship, experts recommend finding a therapist instead. But “if the marriage is monogamous for a long time, sometimes when a decision is made to open the relationship, the members of the relationship may feel guilt or shame because they were with a third party, despite the fact that permission has been granted,” says Jimenez, a psychologist who has dealt with this species. of cases.

Likewise, relationships that begin as open are not necessarily destined to succeed, as there may be an unplanned infatuation, which can lead to the breakup of the relationship, Jimenez saw in consultation.

Paziminio stresses that the most important thing is dialogue, sincerity and transparency, because “if good communication is not maintained and the word ‘open’ is distorted, there will be a loss of trust in the other, in loyalty and self-confidence” .

same?

After years of marriage, some seek emotional comfort, without divorce, and may choose to have an open relationship.

For Specialist Edinson Paziminio, the success of this “break” will depend on the situation of the spouses, because “if something goes wrong, an open relationship can either improve things or end it completely. But, if the relationship is well maintained, and has a good level of maturity and communication, An open relationship may be favorable, as it will generate new adventures and learning that will strengthen the relationship.”

But be warned, marital breaks don’t necessarily require sexual and/or emotional freedom. The spouses must agree on the terms and rules of that time limit.

a thousand experiences

According to Pazminio, an expert on couples affairs, “free love” can: create more assertive and transparent communication within a relationship; increased individual emotional maturity; It brings erotic benefits, insofar as sexual fantasies can be encouraged.

It will also allow knowledge of different emotional languages ​​and can help strengthen the couple’s relationship, generate a high level of trust and bring in new things to strengthen that bond.

But, Paziminio explains, all this is only possible if the relationship is strong and beautiful, with full sexuality and “where an open relationship is sought to nurture and strengthen, not to save.” Additionally, for the experiment to be successful, clear agreements, standards and boundaries must be defined from the outset, “preferably in writing rather than just orally.”

change your mouth…

For Anna Cristina Mallarino, psychologist, sexologist, and couples therapist, few manage to settle into open relationships.

“Members of the couple should have good self-esteem, emotional maturity, know what they want and not have complexes,” because jealousy is a potential and unfavorable outcome of an open relationship, an emotion that can destroy and lead to relationship sabotage.”

Another problem is distortion or lack of clarity in agreements, which can generate conflicts that may lead to rupture, which is a certainly undesirable scenario when getting into the dynamics. Experts remember the importance of protecting yourself to avoid contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

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