Asking for a friend: My single friend doesn’t trust my partner and says he will cheat, but I love him and her negativity is annoying me. What should I do?


Q: I have a friend that won’t stop interfering in my relationship, and I am so close to losing it with her. She never liked my partner of almost a year, and she keeps picking up on little things and turning them into big things. We have been friends for years and used to share every detail about our dating experiences, but she hasn’t had a boyfriend since her last relationship ended two years ago. She keeps bringing up stuff from the beginning of our relationship and makes it very clear that she doesn’t trust him. I love my partner, but it’s getting harder to deal with her suggesting he might cheat on me or that she doesn’t think he is good enough for me. We don’t have any issues in our relationship, and I like how it is going, but her constant negativity is annoying me. My partner doesn’t want to be around her now because he feels like he can’t do anything right, which affects me when we want to go out in a group of friends. I feel like I have to choose between them, and I don’t know what to do.

Dr. West replies: Take a pause for a second and reflect on why she could be behaving like this. Do you have a shared history of talking about partners, and sharing what your relationship ups and downs are? She may be trying to be protective of you and not wanting you to go through some of the issues you may have shared in the past. Our friends and family can often spot red flags that we can’t see as they have more distance from the relationship. If you shared stories of negative behavior from the beginning of the relationship, she might have legitimate fears that the relationship might be of concern. She could be coming from a place of love but going about it the wrong way. Conversely, you might not want to hear what she is saying if you feel deep down that she is right. It’s hard to hear that our partners may not be who we romanticise them to be, so it can be common to ignore or minimize red flags. If you have had a history of abusive relationships, she may be on high alert for any sense of negative behavior in order to try to protect you.


Source link

Leave a Comment