What if you change? Low libido, much more than lack of love

Faced with this reality full of taboos, mysteries, and false beliefs, they have focused on pleasing themselves individually, pleasing the other, and very rarely, pleasing both.

When a couple’s relationship experiences a low sexual desire or a low level of interest in having sexual relations, it is important to sit down and talk about it and consciously and deliberately review the causes and possible solutions together, before concluding that it is due to lack of love or infidelity.

Psychosexual education, a pending task

One of the weaknesses in sexual development is the lack of education or learning of cultural paradigms. In this sense, informed, respectful, and loving psychosexual education is necessary to stop stereotypical sexual behaviors.

Culturally, women have not received adequate education in sexual matters, so most cases of low libido are concentrated in the female sex, while sexual and/or sexual education prevails in men.

Faced with this reality full of taboos, mysteries, and false beliefs, they have focused on pleasing themselves individually, pleasing the other, and very rarely, pleasing both.

Therefore, it is important to understand that low libido is a situation that can occur at any age and in any circumstance and that it has different ways of expressing itself. That might be:

Since adolescence there is the inability to express or feel sexual desire, which has no or very rare sexual fantasies, as well as behaviors for sexual purposes. Therefore, a woman does not experience enough sexual desire to lead her to the full pleasure of her sexual life. This type of unwillingness is known as primary, and if not recognized and treated early, it can worsen during adulthood.

Over time, sexual interest is lost, although it was normal throughout life. This form is known as a secondary lack of desire.

There is a complete loss of desire, i.e. no desire for a partner or for anyone in particular. This unwillingness is known as generalized.

Loss of interest and sexual desire only with the partner but there is a desire for another person. This unwillingness is known as situational.

Which of them do you know?

Knowing this diversity of lack of libido allows us to understand that it is not a simple situation and that it is necessary to determine what is happening and why.

More than lack of love, stronger relationship

When a decrease in sexual desire arises, almost always, the first thought is “He does not love me”, “Stop loving me”, “He is cheating on me”, but this goes beyond the lack of love.

These thoughts only deepen the estrangement that occurs when there is a decrease in sexual desire and there is a lack of assertive communication between spouses. Neither of them wants to hurt or annoy the other “with that”, no one asks what is going on and what can be done, the issue is left up in the air, boredom shows its face, reluctance increases and the loss becomes the total benefit.

Although it can also be a loss of love, which sometimes leads to infidelity, it does not always happen for these reasons, so finding a solution is the task of both, and the first step is to confront the problem:

Speak openly, clearly and lovingly about unspoken points. How long does loss of sexual interest last? What was going on at that time, illness, medical treatment, hormonal disorder? Is there a sexual disorder in either of the two stay away from talking? Are you going through menopause? Do one or both of you abuse alcohol and/or drugs? All this will shed light on the possible organic or physiological causes.

Psychologically, it may have an effect on stress levels for both or in a person who continues to have low libido, anxiety disorders, depression, uncertainty or fatigue. Likewise, it influences the prevalence of consequences of potential sexual abuse in childhood, along with education in strict patterns, which undoubtedly leads to low self-esteem, inhibits emotional expression of pleasure, provokes fear of intimacy, guilt, and rejection. For any real expression of sexual desire, and thus to reduce beliefs about sexuality.

Both causes, physiological and psychological, affect the communication of spouses when they do not have appropriate coping strategies and professional help is not sought in time, and consequently the relationship deteriorates more and more, intimacy is lost, an element that precedes passion and with it, trust deteriorates. Foreplay and sufficient stimulation are eliminated, one falls into a routine, until the end comes.

Often it is the lack of psychological education and awareness that affects the happiness in a relationship, do not let your relationship fall apart, seek professional psychological help.

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