No couple walking down the aisle or making a long-term commitment does that. He thinks he will break up. However, the circumstances of life – more than any other circumstances fightIt often leads them down this hard road.
Although every couple represents a world, there are many factors that lead to two beings who have promised to love each other. break this linkthere is a series of “red flags” They noticed that two people were no longer compatible as a couple.
Some of these can be frequent cues, disrespect, growing in opposite directions or not sharing the same values, which can, in extreme cases, lead to solve a love affair.
This is illustrated by the stories shared by A absolute group In a conversation with North American media The Huffington Post, who mentioned what was The battles that ended in ruining their relationship.
Do you feel familiar with any of them?
The cure that broke everything
to Nicole Lavery، Changed his life forever.
“Our last fight happened during couples therapy. Four years later, the topic is still baffling and generally meaningless. What stuck me to this day was how overwhelming the point of no return felt at the time. It was as if I had Out of body experiencehe commented.
“Look at us both very stubborn: He was frustrated by my emotional presentation in front of a third party. I felt disgusted with his country Refuse to try to see my point“, he added.
It was then, in the middle of the fight, that Lavery realized that both of them showed an absolute lack of respect and love for the other.
“For me, the fight was very metaphorical. It was getting to the most desperate point we’ve had in five years of marriage, in the company of one of the most famous marriage counselors in town, Paradoxically as surprisingHe announced, noting that this moment heralded the end of their relationship.
Paris: the (least) romantic city
to Tammy LeatherThe end of their marriage passed before their eyes during a “romantic” vacation to Paris. She and her husband had planned the trip ahead of time, but since it was his first time in city of lightsHe planned everything down to the smallest detail.
From moment to moment, Tami indulged in a seemingly never-ending series of activities, while she I just wanted to rest for a while and enjoy a good coffee. When they planned to tour the Louvre, and it was closed, her husband blamed her.
By then, there was no turning back. The fight showed that they were two strange people sharing the same place, but There are no common interestsNo respect for the other’s wishes.
“I followed him from neighborhood to neighborhood, trying to ignore the realization that after 10 years of marriage, We no longer enjoy the same things. It wasn’t a big argument, just feeling it There was no “we”. And when you’re in a foreign country, not to mention the most romantic city in the world, it feels so lonely.”
fight over money
Without a doubt, one of the issues that causes the most problems in a relationship is Arguments about money. Specifically, this was the topic that ended up ruining the relationship between Susie More and her ex-husband.
“My last fight with my ex-husband wasn’t original. It was something we had over and over again: about money.
He remembers that “he liked to gamble, rent a car we couldn’t really afford, and Simulating success through spending. I’m a saver and I’m from a poor background, so We can’t agree on finances“.
“Anyone divorced knows that this doesn’t happen overnight and that the fights you get into are, in most cases, You’ve got it over and over again“, She said.
In this sense, he declared, “Money is a very important part of marriage Absolutely opposite viewpoints. In this way I knew that our marriage of nearly three years had passed at least six to twelve months before my departure.”
A fight that repeats itself over and over
Being in a relationship, it’s not unusual for people You often fight over the same things. The problem is when you get to a point where you can’t handle arguing about the same thing… indispensable.
This is what happened with marriage Jackie Belousov. “The last big battle we had – with my husband – before we decided to break up was the same battle we fought 50 times before. We review the same old things: “I am always with these children”, “I am the only source of income”, “You do not value me”“You do not respect me”, “I have changed”, “We have nothing in common anymore”, “Are you cheating on me?
“The problem with our marriage was that We didn’t know how to communicate effectively We both decided to leave. There was no trust and certainly no respect.”
In addition, he admitted that his marriage was seven years He really didn’t have a chance to succeed.
“there was Lots of problems and a lack of will To help, either individually or as a couple. I mean real help. “We tried couples therapy, but it just touched the tip of the iceberg and I think we felt it was best to leave early,” Belousov concluded.
When values are not shared
to Carol SchafferThe breakup in her marriage occurred during what seemed like a perfect evening, she, her husband and their two children They shared dinner.
At the time, her two-year-old daughter wanted to “sneak” before they finished dinner, get up from her chair and accidentally bouncing plate your food.
At that moment, her ex-husband lost control. “My husband was on his feet right away and I screamed at our 2-year-old daughter, followed by a quick slap. And she started to cry. At first I was in a daze unable to move.”
There was a moment when she thought it would comfort her daughter, but that didn’t happen. Immediately, mother He felt a knot in his stomach.
“If I’m being honest with myself, I wasn’t really surprised by his reaction. From day one, we’ve had Very different ideas about how to discipline our children“, She said.
While embracing the minor, he told her, “Hide the wand, pamper the girl,” a phrase that showed her that she could not continue that relationship.
“It wasn’t the first time he had yelled at kids, and I yelled at him for doing it. But that night, that fight, was the last time I saw him the man with whom I would spend the rest of my life.categorically said.
All couples quarrel, but which one succeeds?
It’s not a mystery to anyone All couples live tense moments and discussion. There are some, though, that have managed to advance and even grow in the midst of the chaos.
on, Vicky StarkD., director of the Sedona Counseling Center in Montreal, Canada, stated that couples who have successfully navigated waves of arguments are those who, rather than attacking the other person’s personality, “Color inside the lines and express their feelings”.
In a conversation with The Huffington Post, Stark and other relationship experts showed some examples of how healthy couples can push their arguments forward.
1. They do not run away from battles: They talk about their opinions and ask the tough questions – for example, do we want children? When the problem is in front of them, which prevents it from growing as the relationship progresses.
2. They start their discussions slowly and take turns speaking.
3. Do not become “harmful”: No matter how upset they are, they do not look to the side, do not say mean things to each other or attack each other without justification.
4. They know how to calm down: For example, ask your partner to talk at another time if you feel very nervous.
5. They acknowledge each other’s feelings and points of view.
6. They never forget that they are the ultimate team.
In this regard, Stark stated, “Couples in long-term satisfying relationships can remember this, No matter how angry they are, life will go on after today“.
“So, They don’t want to cause permanent damage. Even in an emotional state, they can hold on to the long-term value of a partner. They are a team protecting their future together’ concluded the specialist.