coexistence as a couple It is one of the most difficult things for a person. Because it’s one thing to be in love and to have the madness of the first months of a relationship and another to solidify as a couple and live together.
Spanish psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, Nicolas Moreno, asserts that each stage of the relationship has its complications, but this success is In overcoming each of the factors that can affect him at certain times.
Among the factors that, according to Moreno, are very rewarding and lead to success in spouses: Good level of affection, good level of communication, good level of libido, good ability of consensus and problem solving, attitude of respect and tolerance, common goals and objectives, good balance between personal life and spouse life.
For his part, Dr. Enrique Rojas spoke in his column in El Confidencial about seven pillars to solidify the couple’s victory.
Among them, Maintain admiration, pay attention to small details, avoid unnecessary discussions, and do not bring up past grievances or acquire communication skills.
Love is more than just a feeling
Rojas delves into and explains one of today’s biggest mistakes It is the belief that love is just a feeling that comes and goes and that it is hard to capture.
Love is a word loaded with the most diverse meanings, yet it has the power to motivate the entire personal project.
“Love is a feeling, no doubt! But it is also an act of will, intelligence and spirituality,” he highlights.
He says that will It is the insistence on working on the chosen love and knowing how to protect it from external winds.Put all the means to correct and polish its edges and weaknesses.
Intelligence means Learn to lead the other person with art and craft, with a heart and a headMixing the tools of the mind with the tools of emotion.
Spirituality means They have a transcendent vision of love, which transcends its objective reality and elevates it to a higher level.
By being successful in a relationship, we understand the sum total of a series of highly rewarding factors.
between them, Good level of affection, good level of communication, good level of libido, good ability of consensus and problem solving, attitude of respect and tolerance, common goals and objectives, good balance between personal life and spouse life.
Every start is great
Moreno believes that at the beginning of any relationship, “Falling in love is intense and perfection is high.”
But later things get complicated, and when Individual schemes begin to appear in the personalities of the members of the couple and difficulties appear.
In order to overcome this, the Spanish psychologist talks about five keys that must be put into practice in order for the couple to survive over time:
Good level of independence and self-esteem
Being emotionally dependent on someone who is not in good health, because You lose self-esteem and identity and live life according to the tastes and needs of the spouses.
The result is a Loss of personality and attractiveness This will alienate the spouses.
In order for this not to happen, it is important that each member of the spouses knows how to maintain their personal independence sufficiently.
Why is this appropriate Everyone maintains interest and usual activities such as work, social relationships, hobbies, friends, etc.
Sincerity, authenticity and emotional expression
The need to show the best version of oneself, if it persists over time, makes a person He loses credibility and lives the relationship in an unrealistic way.
When a person hides ugly aspects of his personality from his partner, he assumes that there are aspects of himself They are not loved and therefore feel like someone who does not deserve to be loved.
This generates insecurity that can appear in the Jealousy, cold, distance, fear and lack of complicity. Aspects that seriously affect the relationship of spouses.
Therefore, it is necessary to show and express your feelings. For a person who is poorly trained, it can be difficult and suffer from a strong sense of shame and cynicism.
But this fact is very therapeutic and goes beyond improving the relationship between spouses because it presupposes the growth and integration of personality.
Empathy, good communication and compatibility
Usually, in the initial stage of marital relations, communication It flows easily.
Over time, it decreases for various reasons: loss of interest, topics of conversation that you do not like or even arouse in discussions, feeling a lack of empathy for the topics being expressed, Ultimately, communication becomes a source of frustration.
To improve it you need: Listen and listen, understand each other’s points of view even if you don’t share them, and express each other’s point of view and that it can be understood.
From here it was established A climate of expression, understanding and empathy is sufficient to find a compromise solution Between the two, where he neither wins nor loses.
Maintain goals, projects, and activities that excite both
Not falling into monotony, repetition and boredom is also an important key to maintaining the illusion in the spouses.
all people need She has goals that arouse interest and enthusiasmFrom the small, like making small changes in the house, to the big, like having children.
The loss of goals and illusions assumes the deterioration of the life of the spouses So is the individual.
Do not close down and maintain a good level of social relations
Couples closed to social relationships They tend to tire themselves out, At least one of the spouses will experience fatigue, boredom, or a deterioration in the couple’s life.
Therefore, having a circle of social relations, It improves the dynamics of the relationship between spouses, allows us to break out of the very characteristic role-forming style of life as a couple and facilitates enrichment and revitalization..